Since it's raining and I got nothing else to do, I came up with an idea of pointing out the stages of a long distance relationship including its pros and cons based from personal experience and other materials I've read before. This serves as a self-reflection and at the same time a helpful tips for those who are into this kind of relationship or perhaps are still planning to.
We heard about LDR frequently, more often than not, it denotes a negative responses or opinions from everyone around us. From friends who came from a devastating LDR, from television shows, movies, books, novels and alike. But what is really a long distance relationship?
In my own opinion, based from my personal experience, it is by far the hardest and most challenging relationship of all. It requires a LOT from both parties and needs more sacrifices that you could ever imagine.
It can also be a test of one's courage and maturity. A test of faith and loyalty.
Here are the 5 stages of a long distance relationship :
1. Experimental stage - "Let's cross the bridge when we get there" - This is the first part and maybe the most easy stage. You simply go with the flow, no direction, nothing. You expect what is unexpected. Depending upon the foundation of the relationship, the effect would normally vary. If the relationship is new, the attachment isn't that great so the risk can be lower but confidence could also be low. If the relationship foundation has rooted deep enough, then risk is a bit higher but confidence is there.
2. Excitement Stage - "Effort is the key" - Second part is where we think of things we will do. We plan out what are the steps to take to make it work. We are determined to work it out and prove to others that they are wrong about LDR. We gather every resources we have to keep the fire burning. We keep the communication constant and open. We pour our each of our time for this to work. This is where we anticipate for a text message every now and then. We do a contant videochat or a routinary phone conversation. Even a short message or text means a lot.
3. Grey stage - "More than words" - Grey stage is where the relationship starts to get bitter each day. This is the stage where our patience, our faith and our loyalty is being tested the most. This is where when we need our partner but he/she isn't there. When we expected for a text message or a chat message and got nothing. Communication is no longer contant. We may get a text or a chat message, but we feel it is no longer enough. The stage when you attend a friend's wedding and were expected to be with your partner but slapped with a painful truth that you're alone. That watching blockbuster movie is not as exciting as how it was with both of you together. This is also the part where temptation play its role. Then we start realizing just how bad the distance is affecting us drastically. How it left an empty space inside us. We start missing out some of the important things or events in our partner's life and vice-versa.
4. Doubt stage - "Just give me a reason" - This is the stage where we start to wonder what our partner is into. We are in need of assurances. We seek for reasons, we seek for guidance and closure. This is also where communication is no longer contant. We wonder why our partner is no longer that consistent. We think of possible causes such as third party, or perhaps our partner no longer love us the way we love them. We blame it to the situation, we blame it to the distance. This is when the never-ending fight can happen that takes a week or a month to be settled or worst left unsettled.
5. Acceptance stage - "Is it worth fighting for?" - This is the last stage but not necessarily the final stage. This is where we do self assessment. We start to weigh the situation and see every angle. The stage where we think of whether it is worth keeping for or not. We start to accept what long distance relationship is. We either leave it the way it is and do nothing about it or discuss it with our partner in order to work things out. There are only two destination : to give up or back to stage 2.
Now that we have discussed the 5 stages of a long distance relationship, let me point out some pros and cons for this type of relationship :
Pros :
1. You get to know yourself better and what you are capable of - This is a learning process where you learn to become independent that there is more to this world than just being around your partner. You learn to love yourself more.
2. You get to know your partner better - This is a way of testing just how pure your partner's love to you as much as how you love your partner.
3. Building a stronger relationship - When you are able to overcome all challenges and trial in this relationship, you get to see a whole new solid relationship tested by time.
4. Seeing what is important - Your time together become more precious to you, even the small gestures such as holding hands together and saying nothing means so much and you learn to appreciate it more than how you appreciated it before.
5. Contentment - We all know for a fact that it is human's nature to feel discontentment for almost everything, this relationship teaches you how to feel contented of little things you have.
Cons :
1. Physical intimacy - One single touch could mean thousands of word. Have you ever wonder how fulfilled you are just having your partner beside you, holding hands together even without saying anything? That's how powerful it is.
2. Where were you when I need you? - This is when we need our partner beside us for moral support or immediate attention or when we feel helpless knowing that our partner needs us but we are nowhere near.
3. Time conflict - Time is gold and so thus our relationship, it's daybreak in your partner's location but it's midnight here, sacrifice is the answer but seriously that isn't enough.
4. Loneliness and emptiness - These two usually come together. That undescribable feeling when we seek for something that even us cannot identify, a feeling of emptiness and then there goes loneliness playing its part.
5. Lover's quarrel - No matter how much effort you put into it, if the other person does not wish to talk to you, you will face a dead end, nothing you can do about it, not unless you have enough finance to go to your partner's location to see your partner personally.
Overall, long distance relationship is still just a relationship. How we handle it is what matters most. It may have turned out bad for other people but that does not necessarily mean it will turn out the same for you. Everything is a never ending cycle of decision, even love itself is a decision. And whatever your decision is, there is always a consequences to face.
