"Dreams and Memories"

by l0neher0

I'm at a point of my life where what was once clear becomes clouded
Promises has been made a couple of times and poems has been created
We're separated, back together, broken and found each other again
I'm now living with nothing in front of me, no future, goal or aim
I'm too complacent, thinking I've got nothing to lose, nothing to gain
Maybe I'm just a fool, thinking I'll have her back if I lost her again

My feelings and desires are in mixed, urge and wishes are distorted
Comparing her to everyone else, even to fictional characters I created
Thinking of a perfect love story and one perfect lady with sense
But I was wrong; I was only about physical instead of the essence
A part of me keeps reminding that what I have now is the best
It's not perfect, but it certainly is the best among the rest

A diamond in the middle of ugly sedimentary rocks and pebbles
I am stranded again, lost in this abyssal thoughts and ripples
With my heart and my mind fighting over what is right or wrong
So I badly want to go back to those old beautiful days so long
The day when I rode that bike at the corner of that market shop
That moment when my eyes met hers and the time has been stopped

I want to go back to that day when I met her at the school lobby
How my heart skips whenever my vision is locked with that lady
How with her smile and stares makes her the prettiest every time
I want to experience that feeling of raging emotion one more time
When her every text messages and calls were worth a million fortune
I want to stand on that night again with all the fireworks in motion

Experience her first awkward yet gentle hug, such a strange captivity
I want to replay our first date at the plaza during Sinulog festivity
And taste her smooth lips one more time in the middle of the sea
That was my first embarrassing and memorable kiss, such a reverie
Let me visit that day when we had our huge fight in the street side
When I turned my back away from her but she rushes to hold me tight

I want to see her crying as I comfort her when we were being separated
In that balcony, I'd like to make love with her just like first we did
That's the first time, followed by another, the next night and nights after
Let's fast forward to those days when we were inside the movie theatres
When we did nothing but locked our lips, paying no attention to others
Those nights too, when she slept over at my place are precious encounters

When watching movies, eating, hugging, kissing, sleeping naked at its best
In fact, that day I was hoping she'll always have trouble at home and rest
Rest with me and stay there like that in my place and by my side forever
I want to experience again the thrill of jealousy even if it hurts me after
In that way, it shows how much I care and how much we mean to each other
I love those days when she tagged me along during her friend's get together

Even those college days’ activities when I did nothing but wait for her
But what was most memorable to me is our first trip all alone together
In that beautiful and romantic cityscape with the cold midnight breeze
And what I wanted best of all those landmark of happiness and memories
Is when I hold her hand and look at her, just looking and watching over her
Hug her from the behind without any warning, touch her and gently kiss her

Then I realized, what I wanted all this time was acceptance of who I am
A mysterious, emotional guy with strange sexual drive, a simple minded lad
Who only dreams of a simple life, build a house of my own as I grow old
Perhaps have a couple of kids and a cheerful and loving wife to behold
Have enough money to spend for their future and our coming retirement
And maybe go on adventure together and travel the world for amusement

I am matured, too matured that I've been carefully planning everything
That's why for once; I'd like to go out of this comfort zone and spring
Spring without any direction, unprepared and simply going with the flow of time
But then am I too late for this at this stage of my life? Or do I still have time?